Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
