Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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