I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
