God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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