Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
