whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
