The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
