Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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