the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
