As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
