No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
