Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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