My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
