What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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