I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
