Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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