the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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