nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
