Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
