she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
