remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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