Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
