guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
