its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
