He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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