I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
