I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he was CRYING into my vagina
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
