when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
