apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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