i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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