yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
