So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
