I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
