Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
