and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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