it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
