She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
