so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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