I think i peed on brittanys purse
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
