i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
