Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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