If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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