I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
