god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
