I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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