I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
