stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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