Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
