dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
