My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
