I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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