i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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