You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
