New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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