I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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