Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
