Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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